About expectations x reality

Hello there!

I know, It’s been a while… I remember my last post  at the beginning of the year, full of excitement and plans about the future, starting with a nice trip to Croatia…
Can’t believe it has been 6 months already!

So, yeah, The expectations were to make this amazing and creative lemonade – inspiring traveling around, taking pics, drawing every day, enjoying the life like an instagram dream feed/sabbatical  kinda thing until we find a nice place/country to call home  –  with the lemons of the situation – Husband’s job hunting, our stuff all boxed, no house and money countdown…

But of course, not always things go the way we want/plan….
expectationsXreality_blogpost_malulenzi-01.pngThe first 2 weeks in that lovely city in Croatia, was relaxing and lovely but then.. we soon discovered that our mind could not turn off… the Lemons. And that’s it. We tried to smile, to enjoy the days but..it became mostly pretending I was having everything, including my emotions, under control when the reality I was screaming quietly for help – that I didn’t know how to translate into something like “please, help me to adjust my expectations, and be kind to myself” sort of thing.

As a freelancer is easy to sell that we can work from any place, any time, under any circumstances. But I learnt with my lemons, that being a freelancer works differently from people to people. For instance, I discovered that I, myself, need routine, a place to call mine, some books and art tools, 8 hours sleep and, some peace of mind. Of course, it was possible to do some work without these “ideal condition” and I did! I did some portfolio pieces, work on 3 contracts, went to Bologna Book Fair for some network..lots of unfinished sketches…

But with every week of “uncertain future” the mood went down a bit and I became less and less productive. I even got some nice news and deals from my agents but I couldn’t enjoy properly.  I struggled a lot with the feeling that I could be doing more (I have all the time!!) and my anxiety went to burn out levels and I slowly dropped everything.. first to survive emotionally and then, lately, to take care of my mind. Because I also discovered that my art comes from a happy place of my mind so us and downs are ok but all time down… makes my inspiring bunny art adviser go away.

Now I’m finally starting to feel “all the life joy” again – I’m even writing here!!
Hubby is completing 1 month on his new dream job in Copenhagen (one of our fav cities in the world). He brought our lovely old cat last week (after 45 days apart) which filled our currently temporary flat with love and cuteness. We’re waiting for some ongoing  bureaucratic process/documents to move on to the big search for our new house around August, when also we’ll be able to finally bring our boxed home (and my studio) from Berlin. Pus, Autumn is my fav creative season. So, stay tuned for cuteness overloaded! 🙂

And if you read until here, Thank you! Means a lot to know that you are still around and following my work, process even after down times.

xx
Malu

PS: Hey! psiu! if you read until here you are a special some-bunny to me and I’d happily send you a special cute illustration on your mailbox. So if you fancy this idea,  leave me a msg (can be a comment here, or instagram or twitter or email – wherever you feel comfortable with) with the word LEMONADE  and your address (mail or email). and wait a couple of days. That’s it! 🙂

 

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